you've seen that commercial with the monster that gets into your toe nail....we'll some how i got the monster. i've been ignoring my little toe for weeks but then my husband freaked me out by saying that the infection might get into my bloodstream and i've got to take care of it before i get pregnant. so i finally went to the regular doctor the other day and she tells me it's no big deal. i have athlete's foot. funny thing is that i haven't worked out in a year now and i never sweat or raise my heart beat (all doctor's orders) so how do i now acquire athlete's foot? i worked out my whole life and never had such a thing. and by the way, i had to go shopping last weekend for bigger clothes since my fat ass no longer fits into anything...thanks to not be allowed to work out.
so the point of all this is that during the examination i mentioned i was undergoing ivf to my doctor. she asked me where in the cycle i am and how many times i've done this and a few other questions. i assumed it was for my file, but then she told me that she and her husband tried ivf twice and it failed and they weren't going to try again. their insurance didn't cover it and they paid out of pocket and besides, she said it was just too difficult emotionally. but she said this all so calmly and with a smile on her face. i just wanted to jump up and hug her. then she said that they have tons of nieces and nephews and that was good enough. i don't think she meant this.
the weirdest part was that i could have tried to say something positive or ask her questions about her experience. i wanted to try to make her feel better but she was the doctor, and while i felt i could unload all my garbage on her, i didn't feel i could pry into her personal life. it was awkward. i think i missed an opportunity to help her or to reach out to her because i didn't want to say anything inappropriate to her as a doctor. i think she was trying to talk to me as someone who has gone through what she did and i don't think she was thinking of me as just a patient. i feel like i failed to help this person.
on the other matter...i had my ultrasound and bloodwork yesterday. Started the follistim and medipur last night along with the lupron i've already been taking. three shots on top of the bloodwork i had yesterday and acupuncture. i've got holes and bruises all over my body. oh well, i'm not complaining. i go back on thursday for another ultra sound and bloodwork and then the retrieval will be some time in the next week and a half i guess.
i have the most vivid dreams on lupron. has anyone else noticed this?
that's all.
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4 comments:
That really was sweet for your doctor to share your experience. Maybe you can send her a little note if you still want to offer here some support, even though she's the doctor and you are the patient.
Enjoy your vivid dreams and good luck this cycle!
I am very sorry about your toe!!
And how interesting about your doc! My doc just had a baby about a year ago, and she is older than I am by quite a bit. And I have always wondered if she had any treatments...but now that I think about it, her famous advice was to lie in bed with my hips up. Gee, really? Thanks. LOL.
Good luck with your cycle!!!!!
Sometimes, people aren't ready to share things. My wife and I once went to a function from a fertility support group (I went because she pushed me). I met a friend of mine there, and he told me there was someone there who lived near me. He introduces the guy to me, and walks away. The guy and I chat for a minute about our neighborhood, and then asks, "So, what have you done? We've done some IUIs, and we're probably starting an IVF soon. What's your experience been like?"
I didn't know what to answer him! I barely knew him, and he wants me to share everything with him? Why was he pressing? Afterwards, my wife and his wife became good friends. I'm not as close to them, they're a lot older than us - like 15 years older.
I've been rambling, sorry. My point is, sometimes, you're not ready to share. it doesn't mean you missed helping someone else, because you also have to be comfortable with it.
I would have acted the same way that you did if my doctor confided in me. I was raised in the South and taught it's not nice to pry. So I never ask questions. I just wait for people to tell me what they want to tell me. A few weeks ago, I coworker told me he and his girlfriend had broken up the night before. I thought, hey this is my chance to reach out so I said, "oh no, what happened?" To which he replied, I'm not ready to talk about it! My once chance at reaching out and I was shot down. So to make my long story short, I think the way you responded is fine. Maybe she just needed to tell someone. I know that's how I feel about my miscarraiges. I don't need a response ... I just need to get it out there. Does that make sense?
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