tomorrow's the day

i test tomorrow. i'm nervous. i'm optimistic this time but i'm not going to take a home test like last time...that was a mistake. i'm having cramps but not sure if this is still the OHSS. i've had a headache since i went to sleep last night but my husband says it's probably allergies. he's really excited. he thinks the ivf worked this time. i really don't know if i'll be able to survive another disappointment. if it's not too much trouble...say a little prayer for me or cross your fingers- whatever it is that you do.

no pregnancy signs

so i think the OHSS is going away finally but i've got some strange pains still. i'm being hopeful that it's pregnancy cramps but maybe it's just linked to the OHSS. i still think the butcher of a doctor who performed my retrieval injured me. the clinic denies that she could have done anything destructive of course. all i know is that the retrieval didn't hurt the first time and this time it's been hell. it still hurts when i pee. could she have punctured my bladder or other organs with the needle? i have been unusually tired lately but it might have more to do with my lifestyle these days then anything else. i'm looking for pregnancy signs everywhere but perhaps it's nothing more than my imagination. i keep hoping for implantation bleeding or bigger boobs but i've got neither so far.

feeling miserable

my condition gets worse towards evening when my stomach swells up and the indigestion/ heartburn starts. i've never experienced anything this miserable. my pants still won't button so i'm living in my husband's sweats. I regret everything i eat...everything burns several hours after a meal. it sure would be nice to hear from someone who's experienced hyperstimulation. i mean does this sound normal. maybe it's a medication i'm taking? i finished the steroids last night and the antibiotics this morning so hopefully that will help. oh and i found out from my nurse that it's the steroids that were making me pee every half hour at night. did i mention this? i wake up every half hour to pee. my record is 14 times in a night. my husband thought i was exaggerating until he stayed up the other nite working and saw me in action. i'm functioning on no sleep, swollen ovaries and heartburn. then there's the gas, constipation and cramping...ok, i'll stop bitching.

so no more doctors, ultrasounds or blood tests until my pregnancy test on the may 1st. that's all. thanks for listening to me grumble.

Apparently I have OHSS or Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome from the IVF. I read a bunch of scary stuff about it last cycle but didn't have this problem, so I figured I'd be ok this time. It's miserable. I wasn't able to sit at the Passover seder the other night but you are supposed to recline right?, so that's what I did. I also had to unbutton and unzip my pants though I didn't share this with anyone.

My stomach blew up like a basketball...like I became three months pregnant over night. Monday I went to work and also had trouble sitting at my desk. When I went for acupuncture at lunch, cute acupuncturist guy told me to go see my doctor as something wasn't right. They gave me an ultrasound which freaked me out because I didn't think there was supposed to be any activity down there. Then they told me that I have OHSS but it's not really a big deal. They said to go to the ER if I have trouble breathing. Worst case, they said they'd have to drain the fluid that is stuck in my abdomen.

So I went home and put my feet up and my stomach continued to grow. Then last night around 11:00 I was so nauseated that I was pleading for death. I woke up this morning to a slightly smaller stomach. I went to work for a couple hours but was still uncomfortable. My nurse wants me back for another ultrasound tomorrow but I'm going to refuse. If I can't have sex, then how is it safe to stick that thing in me? I'm not taking any chances. Anyway, it's been about 56 hours since my transfer. I'm told they should implant between 48-72 hours after transfer so I'm hoping it happens soon if it hasn't already. That's all.

transfer today

i had the most crazy 24 hours but i don't want to be out of bed very long, so i'll just tell you that i had the transfer today. out of 15 eggs, 7 were good and all 7 fertilized. they transfered 3. 2 of the embryos were 8 cells and the other embryo was 6 cells. i'm assuming they are not expecting much from the 6 celled embryo. cross your fingers for me!

Retrieval today

So I had my retrieval today. I woke from the procedure in the most excruciating pain. I didn't have pain the first cycle so I was unprepared. I'm still hurting after lying in bed all day. Anyway, I had 15 eggs. I thought there would be more because I had tons of follicles. Still, I'm told 15 is good. I'll find out tomorrow how many fertilized. Last time I had a three day transfer; I'm told a five day transfer is ideal so I'm hoping I go in on Tuesday. Meanwhile, it's been a challenging week. I went in 5 days in a row for blood work and ultrasound. My arms are so bruised they didn't know where to put the iv today. The drive is also killing me...it's 45 minutes typically each way and since I work until late in the evening, it makes for 12-14 hour days. The antibiotics I started this evening are giving me the stinkiest butt too. My poor husband...I guess it could be worse. I know I shouldn't complain- it'll all be worth it hopefully. That's really it. Now I just wait.

ivf round 2

up early for my ultrasound and bloodwork this morning. have to go back tomorrow for another ultrasound...i'm getting really close. today's doctor said i'd be triggering on monday but he doesn't know jack about my situation. when the nurse called to follow up today i told her that i want to hear from my doctor, not the doctor of the day. my doctor knows that my eggs develop slower than the average woman and that i need more time on the shots. so i likely won't trigger until tuesday or wednesday.

that's what i hate most about this place...it's just a factory with a different doctor every time. and no one ever pronounces my name correctly. i practically live there and they can't get my name right. but they are the best supposedly, so i smile and keep my mouth shut.

anyway, guess i'm looking at a passover transfer. at least i'll be off from work. i sure hope it works this time. i cried over a scrubs episode today...my emotions are just all over the place. scrubs...how ridiculous. i can't wait to get off the shots.

one more thing...i had lunch with my friend who recently lost her baby. we were talking about how it just seems to be an epidemic in this country. everyone we know either has problems getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. what the hells going on? my doctor said it's because we are waiting longer to have kids, but it's happening with younger women i know too. i don't buy that...it's got to be our environment.

toe monster and my infertile doctor

you've seen that commercial with the monster that gets into your toe nail....we'll some how i got the monster. i've been ignoring my little toe for weeks but then my husband freaked me out by saying that the infection might get into my bloodstream and i've got to take care of it before i get pregnant. so i finally went to the regular doctor the other day and she tells me it's no big deal. i have athlete's foot. funny thing is that i haven't worked out in a year now and i never sweat or raise my heart beat (all doctor's orders) so how do i now acquire athlete's foot? i worked out my whole life and never had such a thing. and by the way, i had to go shopping last weekend for bigger clothes since my fat ass no longer fits into anything...thanks to not be allowed to work out.

so the point of all this is that during the examination i mentioned i was undergoing ivf to my doctor. she asked me where in the cycle i am and how many times i've done this and a few other questions. i assumed it was for my file, but then she told me that she and her husband tried ivf twice and it failed and they weren't going to try again. their insurance didn't cover it and they paid out of pocket and besides, she said it was just too difficult emotionally. but she said this all so calmly and with a smile on her face. i just wanted to jump up and hug her. then she said that they have tons of nieces and nephews and that was good enough. i don't think she meant this.

the weirdest part was that i could have tried to say something positive or ask her questions about her experience. i wanted to try to make her feel better but she was the doctor, and while i felt i could unload all my garbage on her, i didn't feel i could pry into her personal life. it was awkward. i think i missed an opportunity to help her or to reach out to her because i didn't want to say anything inappropriate to her as a doctor. i think she was trying to talk to me as someone who has gone through what she did and i don't think she was thinking of me as just a patient. i feel like i failed to help this person.

on the other matter...i had my ultrasound and bloodwork yesterday. Started the follistim and medipur last night along with the lupron i've already been taking. three shots on top of the bloodwork i had yesterday and acupuncture. i've got holes and bruises all over my body. oh well, i'm not complaining. i go back on thursday for another ultra sound and bloodwork and then the retrieval will be some time in the next week and a half i guess.

i have the most vivid dreams on lupron. has anyone else noticed this?

that's all.