thanks to everyone for your comments. i've never been more popular...i guess i need to freak out more often and threaten never to blog again. i've had time to reflect and well, i really need this blog to retain what little sanity i have these days.
i destroyed my prenatal vitamins. that was pretty stupid. i smashed them up all over the kitchen floor. then i had to clean them up. it felt good though- smashing them, not cleaning up. i have to buy more and i know the insurance company will tell me it's too soon and that i can't. my poor husband was ready to have me committed.
then something truly awful happened. i got the call from my nurse telling me the test was negative but then i got an email from my good friend saying she had lost her baby. she was four months pregnant and the heart just stopped. how could i mourn something that never was when she had just lost her baby? hearing her news made me realize how ridiculous i am being. i stopped crying for myself and cried for her instead.
so i'm trying again. my doctor explained that the retrieval was too soon. apparently my eggs mature slower than other women so we've got to wait longer next time. i'm obviously not looking forward to starting over but what choice do i have?
8 comments:
HI, I'm just over from Stirrup Queens. I feel so awful for you that the IVF failed; all the work, obsessing, time, planning, all for a negative. How horribly unfair. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for your friend's loss as well, both losses are heartbreaking.
Destroying things always feels better ;) I'm not even going to tell you what I've done to pee sticks, it's a bit embarassing.
Glad you've got a new plan with your RE and are going to stick around. We'd miss ya!
I'm just over from Stirrup Queens, too. This may qualify as assvice, but I wanted to share my experiences from IVF #1 and 2.
#1 - good # of follicles, few mature eggs, crap embryos, BFN
#2 - same protocol but stimmed one day more, similar # of follicles, but MOSTLY mature eggs this time, many more embryos, still mostly crap but a couple of good ones, BFN (but had some to freeze)
FET #1 - used embryos from IVF#2, BFP
I really think the stimming argument is legit (or was in my case; obviously, this is just an anecdote) - wishing you much better luck the next time around.
I'm glad you're back around. It is so difficult to put yourself through this, then again, the alternative is pretty awful too.
Changing protocol can make a huge difference (I certainly hope so right now!) You'll be so much more prepared next time.
I really feel for your friend. I've been there too. She'll appreciate your support more than you know.
I'm so glad you are feeling better. I was really worried about you and I'm so sorry for your friend. I didn't blog about it but I too just went though another miscarriage at 12 weeks. It is really an awful time right now for so many of us. we have to stick together. Hang in there and let's keep praying for all our blogging friends who are trying to have babies : )
Welcome back! I'm glad you're feeling better, even if only a little bit.
I think you're making one mistake: you do have a choice. Going through treatments is your choice. Sometimes it helps to take a break. We took a few breaks over the course of our treatments. Also, like I said before, if you really hate the center that much, you can always switch. Believe me, a nice doctor and staff can make a HUGE difference.
So sorry for your loss. Trying over seems like a huge obstacle to overcome, but try to look at it that your RE has more information for a successful cycle!
So how are you doing? Feeling better at all?
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